Ups and Downs

There are so many ups and downs with having children.  Brylee has been no exception.  We were nothing but ecstatic when I got pregnant with her and the rest of the time has been filled with ups and downs as we have gone through the process of preparing for her arrival.  I was laughing with a friend the other day as she told someone that I still had 3 more weeks of pregnancy left.  It is amazing to me that two months ago I was thinking about this week, how uncomfortable I would be in the Texas heat but excited, anxiously waiting to see when she would surprise us with her arrival.  Who knew she REALLY wanted to surprise us.  I guess she decided 40 weeks was just too long to wait to hang out with the Stratton clan. 



I know many of you have asked and wondered and I apologize it has taken me so long to update.  It has been a rough week but Brylee is doing good.  She is continuing to grow and is now over 6lbs.  She is the “big kid” in the NICU weighing in largely over a lot of the other babies and having been there longer than many of them as well.  She has been able to maintain her heart rate for 4 days now and is still regulating her body temperature on her own.  When a preemie is born they have what is called there “actual age” and adjusted age.  Actual age is the age that they are from birth, and adjusted age is the age they are from the 40 week mark.  So Brylee’s actual age is 6 weeks old but her adjusted age is negative 3 weeks old.  Due to the fact that she still technically should not have been born yet she is still very weak and it still takes a lot of work for her brain to communicate with her body.  Coupling that with the fact that any time your brain is accosted, even if there are not side effects from whatever that injury is, it causes it to have to work that much harder and tire out much quicker.  This all is evident in how she is eating.  Many of you know that we started bottle feeding her several weeks ago and about a week and a half ago we had her up to 8 feedings a day.  This proved to be way to much for her and her little body and she started shutting down when it came to eating.  By last weekend she was refusing to take bottles and struggling to swallow and breath on the few that she was taking.  Her feeding tube had been removed when she was taking 8 bottles but needed to be put back in on Friday.  She has since been moved down to where she is only allowed to take 4-6 bottles a day and she is only allowed to take those if she is awake and signaling to us that she is interested.  Her therapists and doctors have mapped out a very specific feeding plan that has been posted by her bed so that anyone who interacts with her should see it and know how best to know what she is needing. 



I have to admit that this week has been the hardest for me as a mom since she has been in the NICU.  I love being the one to take care of my children.  I really do not like leaving them with other people most of the time, so to leave Brylee everyday knowing that she is struggling to eat and tired has been horribly hard.  It has been hard for me to leave Adaline and Maddox everyday and I know who is taking care of them and how much they love them.  With Brylee I have had to trust that her nurses day in and day out are making sure she has what she needs and are not pushing her to do things that she is not ready for.  They may not always do things the way that I would do them and they may not always follow the plans we have mapped out for her.  The thought of this is torturous to me as a mother.  However I did have to face this week the painful reality that I have been battling since this whole process started.  I had to face the one thing I hate admitting.  I am not in control.  Shocking I know, right?  No matter how much I may feel like I have control over my children and their lives, truth is in the grand scheme of things I don’t.  There is something I do have control over though.  I can control whether or not I choose to trust the one who knew my children before they were born, created them, and loves them more than I can comprehend.  No matter what I do here on this earth ultimately my children are in the control of the heavenly father.  I can not describe the love that I have for our little ones, but I know that my God loved my children so much that he was willing to offer up his son, his precious only son as a sacrifice.  So as painful as lack of control is to admit, that pain is comforted by the fact that the one that is in control has a greater plan and love for our children and our family than I ever could. 



Thank you all so much for the prayers, words of encouragement, and meals you all have brought over the last many weeks.  We are blessed beyond words to have all of you walking through this process alongside of us.  We love you all.



The Stratton’s

(written by stratmomma for all of our former ballplayers)