He budged! Hooray! Christopher Robin! Christopher Robin! He bidged! He badged! He boodged!...

Let me start by giving you all a little clearer picture of the dire state that Teagan has been in this week.  Tuesday afternoon I stopped being able to feel her movements.  While that can be typical for a  baby getting bigger it was definitely cause for concern.  By Wednesday morning I was having painful contractions that sent me to the hospital.  After several hours there, I was allowed to go home.  They had checked her heart rate which looked good, inspite of the lack of movement, and had gotten my contractions under control.  By late Wednesday evening the contractions were back full force and I returned to the hospital.  Knowing Teagan was going to be coming early the took every measure and precaution to ensure she made the safest entrance into the world possible.  Labor for me is typically difficult as all labor is but there have never been any issues with me being able to progress and deliver by babies with out need of surgery.  However after 24 hours of labor and it becoming apparent that she was in distress they took me up for a c-section.  Upon arrival in the OR we had a hard time finding her heart rate, and upon delivery she was not breathing.  They immediately rushed her down to the NICU we however really were unaware of what we were dealing with until the next two days.  What we discovered was that not only was Teagan in distress, but she had begun to die inutero and we don't know why.  That is why her blood has been off, her lungs in horrible shape, and she had bleeding and swelling in her brain.  Since her arrival in the NICU she has been completely what they call flaccid.  That means she has not moved since she arrived,  you could literally pick up a limb, a finger, etc and her response was that of a rag doll.  The combination of all of this combines to mean that they have been trying everything they can but that she is not likely to improve.

That brings us to today.  This morning I went down to the NICU and had probably the single most difficult conversation I have have in my entire life.  Upon talking to the NICU specialist and hearing snout Teagan's state through the night into the morning it was very clear that there had been no improvement and she was continuing to deteriorate.  I then heard the words no parents should ever hear, " if things continue to be unchanged in the next 48 hours we will need to make some tough decisions."  I couldn't breath.  While I did appreciate the honesty all I could think in that moment was how do I tell my kids she isn't coming home.  I called Mark to let him know we had hit that point, went back to my room and cried.  I couldn't breath, I could barerly move.  I know God loves Teagan more than I do, but that his plans for her may be different than my hopes and desires.  As I lay in my bed all I could hear in my head was the kids song that says, "My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God can not do."  We teach this to little ones, and here I was a grown woman struggling to wrap my brain around this.  I prayed and then I slept.  As I woke up I went back down to the NICU knowing God was carrying me every step of the way.  I walked into her little cubicle and her nurse looked at me and said, "she moved!"  I had to ask her to repeat herself twice before I could believe and look at her.  She MOVED!  When we called y'all to pray yesterday it was not just for improvement for our daughter, it was and is a call to rally around for her very life.  Prayer matters.  You all matter, and the Lord once again has heard you.  We and Teagan still need your prayers, she is far from out of the woods yet, but her body is starting to heal.  We love you and can not imagine walking through this without you all.  The verse I have clung to last 4 years in Ephesians 3:20 which says, " to Him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly beyond all we can think or imagine be all glory and honor and praise forever."  This holds has true today as it ever has for me.
Austin