Psalms 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present
help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we
fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the
midst of the sea;
Simple words to a simple verse but how beautifully I think
it contrast what is so often our state of mind these days.
And by ours I don’t simply mean, the people in my house, I mean our
entire country and even all over the world.
How big have our fears become.
Fear is all consuming; it grips us down to our very core. It can quite literally alter the fabric of
our very lives if we allow it room to grow.
As the November elections approach I feel the entire country is in a
state of fear of one kind or another.
Fear over loss of rights, fear of unfair prejudice, fear over loss of
innocent life, fear over the preservation of freedom, fear of him, fear of her,
fear of not being protected, fear. It is
so easy to get lost in the swirl of it all, to get caught underneath the wave
and get dragged down to the depths that can consume us to a point we struggle
to find the surface. Although I have in the midst of all of everyone’s fear
been telling my children a simple truth.
No matter the circumstances YOU are responsible for what you KNOW is
RIGHT. That’s it. End of discussion, end of story.
Now this is not going to be nor is it intended to be a post
about politics, I say all that to make the point that no matter your
circumstances you have a choice. How are
you going to respond? Are you going to
bury yourself in the fear and become the victim of circumstances that simply
have left you at their mercy? I have
found myself fighting this mental battle at times over the last many
months. I don’t ever want to be someone
that allows me to become a victim, but on days I don’t know the answers and
milestones haven’t been met, on the days and weeks we hit a plateau, I
struggle. In those first two months of
Teagan being home I’ll be honest I struggled to enjoy her. It was hard to not get caught in the worry
and fear of the unknown. Of the great
gap that was what we know and what we see.
What we know is not news to anyone who has been following our life the
last many months and that is that we have a baby with innumerable infarcts to
her brain; however what we see is a baby that might be slow getting there, but
is little by little achieving her milestones.
She is growing, she is progressing, she can see, she can hear, she can
smile, and she knows us and gets excited when we are near. She is constantly surprising us with new
things she can do. It is all sooooooooo
good and it is also terrifying. The big
giant unknown is overwhelming. We have
run EEG’s, vision tests, hearing tests, checked countless reflex responses and
each time she shows progress or gets a positive report it is a battle to not
listen to the nagging voice in the back of my head that asks, when is the ball
going to drop. When is she going to stop being able to progress, when is she
going to stop recognizing me, stop hitting milestones? When is it all going to fall apart again. So many days I am fighting battles in my own
heart and mind that so easily can steal the joy that is right in front of
me. Life is scary. That voice if we allow ourselves to listen to
it, is scary. Now many of you may
consider me negative or a pessimist for saying I fight listening to these
voices, but in reality we all do it with something. That is not me trying to justify my fears, I am
simply wanting to point out that we all have something that when it starts to
go awry or seems to be going “too well” we fall into the swirl of fear and
start delving into the worst case scenario.
We have all done it with so many things in our lives whether it is illness, relationships, jobs, or even this election haven’t we? Which brings me back to my original point, you
only have control over YOUR thoughts and YOUR actions.
If I am being even more honest about me, my desire to know
the future of situations comes out of a need for control. A human emotion that I learned many years ago
I had to let go of because I will always drop the ball and at some point I will
lose control and when I do, things fall and they fall hard, and life gets
uglier than it would have been had I relinquished control in the first place. I instead have a choice. How am I going to deal with and view my life? How am I going to handle the fear that is
constantly there in front of me? Am I going
to obsess, worry, and be consumed with things that I ultimately have no control
over or am I going to follow the counsel that is in those beautiful words and
trust is God’s beautiful grace that really is greater than all our fears. The same grace that saves me from myself, the
same grace that no matter the circumstance we have faced, when we have allowed
it, has given us the fortitude and strength to keep standing no matter the obstacle.
So while we continue to move forward in joy and work to
combat the many fears that challenge us all in everyday life, I would like to
leave this challenge with anyone that reads this. Seek joy.
Amidst seemingly insurmountable fear, heed the warnings, but don’t let
the fear overwhelm you to the point it keeps you from moving forward. Choose to push past the fear, because even if
your circumstances don’t change, when you find a way to surrender and step out of the shadow of fear
you will find joy in the most unforeseen places.
if you cant view the video from your phone here is a link to it
https://youtu.be/C0q1pNR0RbQ
Teag's finding her tongue, talking, and smiling. ALL correct milestones for her adjusted age.
Buddy, Teag's, and Mark at Health Camp, Waco after
a quick family get away
For those who want to know specific prayer request:
Please continue praying for healing and progress in Teagan's brain.
For wisdom for Mark and I as we pursue what services most benefit her
For our sweet Brylee as she is having surgery in two weeks to increase mobility in her left leg
Our family as we continue to navigate a litte outside of normal life and all that comes with that. That we can handle the unusual circumstances with grace and wisdom, and can be an encouragement to those in similar situations
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