To Worry or Not To Worry

I personally think that telling a mom not to worry about her child is about like telling Tim Tebow not to play football. No matter how well our children are doing or not doing it is difficult not to worry about where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. That applies whether they are 3 or 30. To look at our sweet baby girl on the outside for all intensive purposes there is nothing to "worry" about. She is growing like she should and is now a whopping 5lbs 7oz (although her preemie clothes are still too big). She is starting to take bottles on her own, which is preparation for the day that she will be able to come home to us. Although she struggles with the bottle feedings she gets to try daily and she is very good about trying when offered and also about letting you know when she needs a break. She is learning how to "tell" us what she needs. When she is awake she wants to pay attention to her surroundings even if she can't yet distinguish clearly what those surroundings include. Her brain is remembering more and more to remind her little body to breath and eventually she will grow out of that. She loves being held close and tight and warm. Everything about her is beautiful and wonderful and fills us with joy and yet this week it was brought to my attention how much I worry about her and all of our children.

Like I said a minute ago she is doing externally very well for a month old (35week) preemie. Is she ahead of the game, no, but she is also not grossly behind. She is developing right now the best she can and is on a good track to where she needs to be. Here’s the thing though, I know something that she doesn’t know. I know that there is something not right, something that can not be seen from the outside right now. Are there signs that there is an injury in her brain, maybe? She has had some seizure like activity, and sometimes is showing some muscle weakness on one side, but right now there is no way to know if that is just her being premature or signs of what her future is going to hold. But to look at her today you would never know there was another problem. And yet with all the progress we see and positives we know about how she is doing I still find myself worrying. I worry about what her future is going to look like, will she ever be able to walk on her own without assistance, because majority of babies with her type of brain injury don’t. Is she going to struggle in school, or making connections with friends, and the hardest one for me is how will I as a mom help instill her the truth that the Lord made her perfect and in his image even if her earthly image is different that what is considered "normal"

Here is the painful reality that I learned and am starting to get a grasp on this week. I have been commanded not to worry. Not asked or gingerly encouraged, commanded. Matthew 6:34 says

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is preceded by 8 verses that talk about how the Lord takes care of the simplest things as the grass or birds. We are reminded in those verses that there is enough worry about in the day that we are in, and that worry can add nothing to our life. It is pointless and serves no good purpose. There have been so many things in my life that the Lord has called me to do. Some things have been big and some small, but in all of them the Lord has called me to do them without question. Last November when I got pregnant the Lord called Mark and I to be parents to Brylee Kate Stratton. He did not specify what that calling was going to look like. He did not call us to question it. He called us to obey. He did not fill my head with what our future as a family was going to look like, the world that we're living in did that. I created an image in my head of what our tomorrow would be, and that image has been shattered and drastically altered since her arrival a month ago. Since then I have worried. I have been so caught up this week in the worry that I failed to remember that the Lord called us to bring this sweet girl into our family, without specification of that that what that was going to be like. He knew from the time he formed her what the outcome was going to be. He knows the things about her that are perfect and seemingly imperfect. He knows the number of her days and the hairs on her head. She is fearfully and wonderfully made, because she is made in the image of our perfect heavenly father. Who am I to worry? I have been commanded not to worry. What a painful reality check. I can not promise you all that I am not going to worry about our children, but I am so thankful for the Lords sweet reminders that he is in control and so much bigger and greater than anything I can imagine. He conquered death. How profound is it that the God who gives life, and conquered the grave is the one who holds my child and her future in his hands. What do I have to worry about?